I Don't Have a Father...

I'm tired of looking in the face of little boys and seeing a void.  Little boys acting out in search of the attention that they don't receive at home.  


It grieves me, that as an educator, I see so many troubled children, who lack a "Father" or "Father figure" in the home.  


Today in school, the homework assignment was to write about your Dad.  Do you know how many blank stares sat on the faces of these small children?  One boy said,  "I don't have a Dad."...another boy said, "I only see my Dad like once a year." and another boy said, "I don't have any positive male figures in my life".  This saddened me.  An earlier assignment was to write about your Mom and everyone was able to turn in at least two paragraphs of things that made their Moms special.  


I actually had to get in front of the class and say, "If your Dad is not in the home, then write about your uncle, an older cousin, your grandfather or any other male figure that you look up to".  


This is so crazy to me.  This "DeadBeat Dad" thing is becoming an epidemic (if it's not already *sigh*) and it's detrimental to the outcome of the children this epidemic leaves in its path.  


I know the "absence of fathers" is on a case by case basis.  Some children do lose their Father to death, some children lose their Father due to their Mother's bitterness and disdain for their Father but the majority of the children out here have nothing more than sperm donors.  Some Fathers just don't want to take care of their responsibilities...they come up with every excuse in the world why they don't want to be in their child's life.  


Child support is good but if you are not in your child's life physically then even your 17% means nothing.


Little boy's need their daddies, just like little girl's need their daddies.  It's enough already.  The children are the ones who are suffering.  I see it everyday.  


If we had more Father's in the home maybe there would be less jails and less promiscuity.  


I NOW see why God created the institution of marriage and why he wanted us all to be virgins before becoming one with our spouse.  If we would have done things God's way there would be less Maury Povich Shows and less Baby Mama/Daddy drama but I digress...

DEATH to Procrastination!

UGHHHHHHHH! I am such a procrastinator.  Lately I find myself doing A LOT of NOTHING!  *FAIL*.  I absolutely detest this about myself.  


I want to be done with procrastination for once and for all, that is why I am going to make a "To Do List".  Everyday (the evening before "D" day), I am going to write/type out the said list and IMPLEMENT the things on that list the next day.  I am going to PUSH myself to do it and stop being so LAZY (there I said it)!  UGHHHHHHHHH!  Slothfulness is the root of my demise *tears*.  I have to get it together before I find myself like 50 and haven't done NADA with the gifts and talents that God has given me.  


I mean don't get me wrong, I have done SOME things with the gifts and talents that God has given me BUT I know me and I know I HAVE NOT gone where I know HE wants me to go.  I have been playing serious games and that's not cool. *sad face*


I think FEAR plays a MAJOR part in my procrastination. *shutters*  I don't know what is wrong with me but I have to stop the madness NOW before it inevitably turns me into a failure. 


I am TIRED of talking a "GREAT" one and NOT doing.  I have to stop this mess *pops self on the hand*.  I am not getting any younger although I look about 8 years old, if I do say so myself *bats eyelashes*...LOL.  Nah but, something has got to give!  


I keep thinking about the past (in regard to my gifts and talents) wishing I would have done things sooner but I know I can't live in the Woulda, Coulda or Shoulda's world.  The time is now....so with that being said...


I will start tomorrow...LOL

Walking Dead...YIKES!

Lately, a lot of people (friends) whom I was close with B.C. (before Christ/before I got saved) have been on my mind...


When I first accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I told everyone about my new found love.  Some of my friends thought I was doing too much and others felt like I was judging them "/.  This really bothered me because my intentions were NEVER to try to shove my new relationship with Christ down their throats and/or judge them.  It's just that I found the secret to eternal life and I wanted them ALL to share in that secret.  Well really, it wasn't a secret it has always been here but I was just too blind to see it.  The light had FINALLY come on for me and I wanted my friends (and those I loved) to experience that same feeling.  It's like knowing that a friend is DYING and not doing ANYTHING to save them *sigh*.


I also found out who my real friends were when I accepted Christ.  All the friends that I had smoked, drank, gossiped and clubbed with didn't call as often or come by and I know why.  It's because we no longer had anything in common *sad but true*.


When I was in the world, before Christ, I knew OF Jesus but I didn't know Jesus (big difference).  A lot of people that I was close with, believe in Jesus Christ but are content with where they are in their lives.  They are content with doing things that are contrary to God's Word because they have no real FEAR of God.  The Bible says in Proverbs and I am paraphrasing, "The fear of the Lord is wisdom".  If there is no real fear of the Lord then there is no knowledge of the Lord to acknowledge him.  (I hope that makes sense).  This knowledge brings obedience...obedience to God's Word. If you LOVE someone, you should have no problems obeying or listening to them and the same goes for GOD.  If you love him then obey him...keep his commandments and we can only keep his commandments through Jesus Christ.  


I am NOT perfect by any means but GOD does not use perfect people, he perfects the people he has chosen.


I pray for my old friends often, not often enough, but every time I think about them.  Often I see people who I grew up with, went to school with and worked with and just see DEATH...a zombie.  They may front like they living it up but I know inside they are incomplete...how I know is because I was the Walking Dead too!  Fronting for people but inside I was dying.  A lot of people may not admit this but deep down you know it is true.  I don't care how many pair of Christian Louboutin's you have, Gucci, Louie and Prada bags you have, none of those things will ever fill the void where JESUS is suppose to be.  I know because I been there...all of those things are temporary pleasures, they don't last.  Why do you think so many "rich people" jump off of bridges?


Bottom line is I hope all my friends and unsaved family members come to Christ...I even pray for my enemies to come to Christ.  All I can do is my part by spreading the Gospel message and praying that the seed falls on good ground.  God wished that none would perish but that ALL would have eternal life.  

DEADBEAT = GOOD???

Question:
When did being a DEADBEAT become the style or the "it" thing to do?


Usually when people mention the word "DEADBEAT" they automatically assume we are talking about a man who has chosen NOT to be in their child's life physically or financially but incase you didn't know, DEADBEATS come in FEMALE form as well.  


I guess my gripe today is, I am soooo sick and tired of people FRONTIN' like they are taking care of their kid(s) and really they are not and do not intend to.  I mean frontin' hard...making up elaborate stories and scenarios and all that.  I mean ARE YOU SERIOUS??  I often wonder HOW people sleep at night KNOWING that they have a child(ren) in this world who breathe 24 hours a day, whom they do not take care of let alone see.  I WOULD BE SICK if I didn't see or speak to my child everyday.  It would be no way *throws up hands*.  


Children are a blessing that a lot of people take for granted.  Ask anyone who is unable to have children...how they feel about kids.  YES, children get on your nerves (well I know mine do...lol) but you love them and protect them with every fiber of your being.  How people can just walk away is just beyond me.  


Again the DEADBEAT persona can be applied to MEN as well as WOMEN because I know of DEADBEAT mothers as well.


I have heard ALL kinds of excuses of why the said "DEADBEATS" can't take care of their kids:

EXCUSES

1.  If I can't take care of 1 of my kids then I am not going to take care of any of them.
2.  I live in a different state.
3.  My penchant for women/men is more important than my child.
4.  I go to school full time and work part time...I don't make a lot of money.
5.  I'm not working or I can't keep a job (not laid off due to the recession but fired because you're cursing out your boss, coworkers, and clients or always late or never coming in)
6.  I'm about to get custody of my kid(s) anyway so I don't care that I'm 20k in the hole from back child support.
7.  I got my own business and when I die I will pass it down to all my kids to make up for the fact that I was never there and never supported them.
8.  I'm about to get a record deal and as soon as I do, we gonna all be good.  You aint gonna have to worry about child support.  
9.  I got my own problems.
10.  Wassup with me and you doe'...oh nothing...oh oh ok...well I'll check you later.  


People are REALLY crazy and these are the SAME people who believe that GOD is blessing them.  I'm not saying that God can't bless whomever he wants but I AM SAYING that the Devil blesses too.  


I'm just tired of the shenanigans already.  Be real.  God sees you and you will reap what you sow...in layman's terms "What goes around, comes around".  


AND remember...children don't stay children forever.  They grow up and they will see on their own how things REALLY are.


None of us...including our children, asked to be here so while they are here, it is in our best interest to provide and care for them as God intended for us to do.  God gave us this blessing (children), now we have to cultivate it and watch it grow.  

Leiby Kletzky...WHY?

Leiby Kletzky...man where do I start.  For those who live outside of New York here is the link so you can kind of catch up ---->

Leiby Kletzky

To summarize, Leiby Kletzky was an 8 year old, soon to be 9 next week, Jewish boy who was abducted and killed (dismembered at that), about a week ago in Brooklyn, NY.  His mother allowed him to walk, for the first time by himself, from day camp to a meeting spot (I think they said he was told to walk 7 blocks from his day camp to meet his Mother).  Leiby ended up getting lost, asked the wrong person (Levi Aron) for directions and ended up getting kidnapped, killed(suffocated) and then cut up.  Police found his feet in Aron's freezer and his other body parts in two different parts of Brooklyn.  The word "tragic" is an understatement.  SMH.

This headline really did something to me as I have small children myself. It's funny because just recently my 8 year old daughter, who is going into the 4th grade in September, just asked me if she could start walking home by herself    -----> 0.o.  Before the Leiby Kletzky story even broke the word"NO" resonated in my spirit.  I told her that we are living in a CRAZY day and time.  People are out seeking to hurt other people...just because.  In our days, you don't even need a motive.  

It's funny because when I was younger, I was a "latchkey" kid from the time I was like 7.  My brother, who was 5 at the time, and I use to walk home all the time, by ourselves, from to school to the projects that we lived in.  You simply CAN NOT do that anymore.  PEOPLE are CRAZY and I am not talking about the CRAZY I was talking about in my previous blog but I am talking about "Kill you and cut you up into little pieces" CRAZY.  It is just ridiculous!  It is so evident that we are living in the last days and that Christ is soon to return because the increase of wickedness is becoming more and more apparent and just blatant as ever.

I usually don't watch the news but this news story was on TV while I was preparing for my surgery so I had no choice but to watch it and become enraged and repulsed all at the same time.  I mean what depraved person would kidnap a little boy, kill him and then cut him up into pieces.  I mean do people still kill people like that anymore?  That's some Jeffrey Dahmer stuff.  

It was said that the guy who killed Leiby, hears voices and all kinds of stuff.  Man, demons are real.  People try to downplay God and the devil but they don't understand how factual the spiritual realm really is.  *sigh* 

My prayers and condolences go out to the Kletzky family.  I don't ever want to experience the pain of the lost of a child.  Leiby's murder just unction me to want to hug my kids a little longer, kiss them more and be a better parent to them all around because life is short man, we only get one so we need to cherish and make the best of it!

PS...I told my daughter she wasn't walking home by herself until she was 16 and even when she turns 16, I will be in the car behind her following her. (smile)

Surgery or Bust!

So tomorrow is the day!  Yup...after about 2 long months of anticipation, I am finally going in for my surgery.  Yesterday, I had a blood transfusion.  They told me to come in at 8am but I wasn't given the blood intravenously until about 12:30pm so that BLEW MINES.  I was waiting (well watching the news, Maury and Divorce Court) for 4 and a 1/2 hours.  UGH!  I was like what is taking so long with the blood.  I even went so far as to ask the nurse did it (the blood) have to be warmed up or something, I mean DAG. *sigh*.  Needless to say me having to wait for 4.5 hours yesterday just proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I lack patience.  I can't seem to wait for anything...EVEN if I am preoccupied with someone or something.  *another sigh*.


It was kinda dope because my husband surprised me yesterday (he sweats me on a daily basis).  He showed up at the hospital.  I wasn't expecting that because I thought for sure he was going to stay the whole day at work as we have rent to pay amongst other things (Okkkaaayy) but sure enough he took a half day and came to see about your girl.  So that was nice.  


So as of right now I have somebody's blood in me and like I posted on twitter, "I pray this blood has the Holy Ghost in it and won't have me feening for Crystal Meth"...lol.  I'm serious man.  So far I feel fine though...regular.  I don't know.  It would be dope if they gave me Wolverine's blood though or Evie's blood from "Outta This World" <----what y'all know about that.  Anyway, I only got 1 unit of blood and they are saying I might have to get another unit after my surgery but I am praying against that.  Nevertheless not my will but God's will be done.


So far in preparation for my surgery I have eaten (since 4:30am), Pringles Load Baked Potato Chips and an Ice-E <----how do you spell that with out it looking dumb *shrugs*.  Yeah I know I am wilding.  I need to eat something though because after 11pm tonight, it's a wrap.  


Alright well on to surgery.  Let's get this party started! 


OH and above all else, PRAYERS...I am soliciting all of your prayers that God guides the surgeon's hand! 


I know I am already healed!  I have work to do...not only in regard to myself BUT most importantly for the KINGDOM.  YOU DIGG!

Anemia...I HATE you! Love Nellah

Soooo I JUST found out that I am severely anemic *sad face*.  Well I always knew I was anemic but NOT to the point of NOW needing a blood transfusion for my impending surgery.  UGH!  Now this is BLOWING MINES!!  WHY!  I went for medical clearance today and they informed me, after having given blood yesterday, that my blood levels or whatever the medical jargon is, is 7.8.  The norm is like 12 or something.  *yikes*  Needless to say, I have been walking amongst you all as a living ZOMBIE.  Oxymoron much??  So NOW I know why I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded AND always extra sleepy.  I can't really blame anemia for my love of sleep although I would like to *shrugs*.


I don't like the idea of having somebody else's blood circulating in my body, touching my organs and high fiving all 206 of my bones. *yuckers* That makes me feel defiled in a way.  I am trying to see if my mother will give me a pint of her blood but I don't know if we have time to get her tested and drained of 1 pint of her blood before next week. *sigh*


I dead asked my doctor if the blood was clean.  Shoot, I don't play that mess.  She said the blood is test and clean of HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis and all the other "H"'s.  Geez Louise...WHY.  


Man I am already a little anxious about the surgery now I have to deal with this blood transfusion prior.  UGH. T'is life though.  I know regardless of anything that GOD has a plan and I am in his plan.  I don't have answers to a lot of my "why's" and I don't need to know the answer (although I would like to), I just have to TRUST God.


With my surgery coming up, it makes me put a lot of things into perspective.  I see things differently and I value time more.  Things that would easily upset me don't because at the end of the day none of that stuff even matters.  


Time is short and so is life.  I'm not sweating small stuff anymore.  I need to live for me.  I have a purpose to fulfill.  Let's GO!

Are you CRAZY or is it me???

I always ask this question jokingly.  Do Ugly People KNOW that they are Ugly??  I think I vlogged about that briefly on my Youtube Channel *sigh*.  I never got a definitive answer because like I said it was all in love and jokes.  I guess my question is now...Do Crazy People KNOW that they are Crazy??


I have dealt with many people in my life but CRAZY people always take the cake for me.  I am not talking about..."I'm going to kill you crazy", although I have had my fair share of "those" in my life.  I am talking about...Mental CRAZY...4, 5 and 6 personalities...CRAZZZZYYY.  I am not talking about people who have been diagnosed crazy, I am talking about the people who were never classified/diagnosed ( I don't know how they got through baggage check without anyone noticing)...CRAZY!  


These people are in our shopping centers, at some of our churches, at our hair salons, at our parks and even in our homes.  LOL.  Again these are people who are CRAZY who don't know that they are CRAZY and their goal in life is to make YOU seem like you are the one who is crazy.  Sounds confusing...0.o.  Yeah that's the effect that CRAZY people can have on you.


Let me try to describe this "said" CRAZY person in case any of you run into one of them because they are out there.  These crazy people are miserable people who concoct craziness in their minds that THEY actually believe.  Like they live in a fantasy world where they think we all live but have NO idea that they are the only inhabitants.  They fabricate lies and try to get others to believe their lies.  In their "minds" they are right and you are wrong EVEN if there is proof in the pudding that they are just as looney as they come.  *sigh*


A lot of times CRAZY people associate themselves with other CRAZY imps that feed into their craziness.  The CRAZY imps tell the CRAZIES what they want to hear which further fuels said CRAZY person's CRAZINESS/INSANITY.  


CRAZY people will also say something kind to you in one breath but will curse you out in the next breath and will say something else kind to you in the next breath and will curse you out in the breath after that and will saying something kind...you get my point? *inserts coo-coo bird clock audio*


Again these people do not know that they are CRAZY and if you point out that they are CRAZY...they will argue you down that they are NOT CRAZY but you know and I know that they are as CRAZY as they come.


I advise you all to PRAY for crazy PEOPLE because like I said they have NO idea that they are CRAZY!  

My Life is RANDOM...

My BlackBerry is getting on my nerves...grrrrrr!!  I am telling you as soon as November comes I will be Team Iphone for sure!  My Blackberry stays hour glassing and hard resetting itself.  I am about to throw it out of the window.  Did I say grrrrr?  


So my surgery is set for July 13th.  I am really nervous.  Like what if when I am seemingly put to sleep (<---wow that sounds like what you would say about a dog) and I can feel EVERYTHING but can't move or open my eyes???!!!  That would blow mines.  UGH!  This whole thing is blowing mines.  I never had so much as a broken bone and now I have to have surgery.  WHY do Fibroids have to run in my family. I am praying against those things for my daughter.  This is crazy.  I thought only my mother's side had them but I just found out (maybe 2 months ago) that my father's side has them as well.  *sigh*  T'is my life. I got hit with a double whammy.  I just want this to be over and behind me already so I can get on with my life.  If anyone knows how to pray PLEASE keep me in your prayers.  


I am suppose to be making meatloaf but I am blogging about nothing.  I like blogging about whatever is on my mind.  I don't care about order or anything.  My life is random as all outdoors.  LOL.  


Are people going to even read this?  Who still reads?  People prefer vlogs...sad but true.  I don't care if no one reads this.  This is really for me.  I have a lot on my mind and I have been told that I need to let it out.  Hmmmm what will I disclose on this blog. I am pretty much an open book.  When people ask me questions, I answer them honestly.  I have nothing to hide.  


I really love Jesus.  I have been saved going on 9 years now.  I wish I was more active in ministry when I was younger though *sigh*.  Well better late than never...